did I just get…? did he?

Chuck was always very aware of when I was chatted up at the bar.  Chuck was also very good at making me aware of when he was chatted up at the bar. 

For me I was in an exclusive relationship and it didn’t even occur to me that a man would be hitting on me.  Nor did I really care if he was.  I wasn’t interested.  Chuck, on the other hand was always very very quick to identify it, express his anxiety of it, and make it clear that “before me, he’d have knock that guy out for hittin on his girl”.  Oh how very testosteroney.  Yuck.

I’d get defensive and claim that I was clueless (which I was) and he’d say he agreed and that it wasn’t me it was the man.  I’d heard this so many times and even when there wasn’t a man to target he’d target the entire sex.  When a man talks to a girl it’s because they wanted to get her into bed.  In Chuck’s mind no man would talk to a woman unless he was attracted to her.  Ah ha, except when he talked to a woman of course.  Then it was because he was just being conversational, or and this is the kicker, because he was being hit on.  So I’d heard this again and again almost since the beginning of our relationship and all the way to the end of it.

And now I’m damaged…not permenantly thank you, but for a little while at least.  Now when a man talks to me I question if he’s doing so in hopes he’ll score a date or if he’s just a chatty person and we happened to strike up a good conversation.  I hate that.  I like talking to people – all people.  I like talking to strangers and having fun sometimes insightful conversations with someone that I may or may not see again. 

I’m not interested in being interested in men right now.  I’m not on the dating circuit.  I am not on the hunt, nor am I wanting to be hunted.  A nice compliment, great.  But beyond that I am very hesitant to even consider dating right now.

So last night when Al happened to overhear something I’d said to another person commented to me about my astrological sign (yes it was really THAT weak) I didn’t even consider that he was maybe hitting on me.  Then before I knew it he’d been standing next to me resting on the chair to my left and I’d been half turned in my seat to face him.  Finally I suggested he sit down and although he mentioned numerous times that he really ought to be getting to bed for his early day, he never got up to leave.  And then when our knees touched as we were both facing each other and the chairs happened to be placed closely together I had a fleeting zing that you get when that kind of thing happens, but I quickly pushed that out of my head. 

And then it was bar close.  Then it was post bar close and I finally glanced around and realized those chosen few that are excluded from the “if you don’t work here or sleep with someone that does, get the hell out” order that was given a good 15 or so minutes early…those people were gone except for Al and I.  And I said we’d better get going.  And then he got up from his chair.

I told him it was nice talking with him, I gave him a hug.  He reciprocated on both items.  I then announced I needed to use the restroom and as the bartender went to unlock the door for our (his) exit I went to the bathroom.  I came out fully expecting that he’d be gone, yet he was standing at the door.

Odd.  Was he waiting?  Did the bartender just decide she’d let us both out at the same time?  I don’t know.  Regardless, by the time I got to the door it was open and being held open for me by Al. 

After very brief small talk of vehicles and why I park so very far away (I gotta get my exercise somehow) I again quickly made my exit – nice meeting you, quick hug and me quickly turning and walking to my car.  Without glancing back.

And as I drove home I truly can’t know if he was hitting on me. 

As a rundown, on more than one occassion in our conversation I was very clear in saying “I think we would make really great FRIENDS”, and that purely based on his astrological sign (capricorn) I wouldn’t date him.  And our conversation included detailed items from our previous relationships (his ex-wife is also a leo, and Chuck is also a capricorn).  It was light and fun and funny and non-invasive.  He didn’t ask for my number.  I didn’t ask for his.  I didn’t even mention anything about seeing him again even though the pub is his local as well.

As I said before I’m not interested in being interested in anyone.  OK so then why do I care if he was hitting on me?  I don’t want to give him the wrong impression for one, and really…because if he was then that’s also pretty cool too.

~ by MJoy on October 12, 2009.