on my mind…
My morning ritual is pretty consistent. Like dead on consistent. I wake up hitting the radio snooze, get out of bed, into the kitchen turn on lights, say good morning to Toby and Six (if they’ve decided to get up with me), turn on the radio in the main area, start coffee (if I don’t break down and go to the bathroom first -it’s a competition…more on that another time), and then I turn to my bb to catch up on tweets and emails while the coffee goes. Every morning.
I listen to the same radio program each morning. The one I turned in the contest entry for the weight loss program earlier this year, Q100. The Bert Show. It’s really a morning talk show, they play very few songs all right at the beginning of their time slot (5:30am – 10am). I am often up as they’re running the “replay” – bits of the show from the day before, and then they have their daily 5:30 club members “song call in” – a caller gets to pick the morning music. It’s basically gotta be something GOOD. And up beat (this is a top 40 station) and popular. Then depending on the song choice I get a cup of coffee, and go to shower or I dawdle to hear the song. I know I’m like a 15 year old.
After the song caller they have a contest, a morning prize and an entry into the monthly. Anyway none of this is really relevant for today’s point.
I like this station, I like these personalities. I like their stories and jokes and attitude. They’re my age mostly, they’re not shy about revealing many of their embarrassing moments. It’s funny. It’s sarcastic.
Throughout the show they have many segments, one of which is basically a caller calls up essentially looking for advice, insight, feedback, fame, whatever. Anyway the problems are usually pretty good, funny, evoke some type of interest and/or emotion in me. Some I’ve called in about and gotten on the air. Every time I’ve been burned by the personalities. It stings. It’s funny. I consider it just part of my personal struggle in choking when put on the spot w/celebrities, sports stars, a large unexpected public appearance, etc. I look at it as an exercise towards overcoming this. It’s not really worked so far yet I have faith.
The other day I caught the teaser for a story. A guy claimed his sister was going to marry his ex. Boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. Hmmm. OK? Sounds all drama and propaganda and radio-like. The segment didn’t air until after I was at work and though I have headphones often I don’t listen after I get off the bus (at 7:15). Since I follow these personalities on Twitter I’d caught some updates…the story was much more “legit”, and believable apparently. This was Friday that the first part aired. Monday they were checking in with the caller (his radio name is Jeremy). Again except for a bit of the replay they’d aired I missed a majority of the story. Then Monday a flurry of tweets came through regarding this conclusion. And finally I read the article on the bus ride home. Mind you I was fully aware that everyone was crying cause of this deal. Still, I hadn’t heard it. And yes, I cried when I read the above although I was on my bb and didn’t listen to the sound clip.
Then this morning they did the replay and I got to hear the full story. They’d obviously cut it down for time. Point is…
Jeremy is gay. He wasn’t out to his family. He dated a guy 2 years ago their relationship ended when he moved to the West coast for his medical residency thingy whatever. Since then he’s kept in touch mildly with his family, knew his sis was seeing someone, hadn’t met the guy. Recently he was contacted by his sis and told she was getting married (mind you I am certain this is her 2nd marriage but whatev) to this guy she’d been seeing. So Jeremy got time off of work, came back to the area and attended a meal to meet the fiancé.
To his utter disbelief this fiancé was the same man that Jeremy had dated prior to moving to the other coast. OK fine…they pretend to not know each other, after dinner they have a private second and the fiancé says don’t wreck this I’m straight now.
Shock. Disbelief. Obviously this is when you call a radio station and ask for advice. Oh yeah did I mention the wedding was Saturday. Yes, this last Saturday.
OK fine…so the radio recommends telling the sis. Long story short (too late I know), he does, she’s flabbergasted she calls her brother a liar, she promptly calls her fiancé who denies it. She contacts her family, who incidentally are Mormon. They flip. En route to his parent’s place (I believe?) Jeremy receives a text from an “unknown” that says something like “I’ll always be in your life”, essentially to imply this fiancé may have done this to be close to Jeremy? Or possibly to stalk him? Dunno…weird regardless. He tries to explain to the sister about the text. She doesn’t believe the fiancé sent it.
Jeremy gets to the parent’s place (to which there are ohhh, a shit load of people there for the wedding…remember there’s a wedding in less than 24 hrs) and essentially his mom runs away crying and hysterical. As Jeremy tries to go after her to talk, his father stops him and blocks him. His father says to Jeremy something to the effect that he wishes he’d been a murderer cause God would forgive a murderer but God won’t forgive a faggot. Some time during this his father strikes him. Punches him. Jeremy doesn’t strike back.
Jeremy goes to leave the home. His niece runs after him expressing her desire for him to stay (she’s young, apparently old enough to talk, walk, run on her own). He picks her up giving her affection, saying good-bye. The grandmother pulls the child from his arms disgusted with him and calling him a pervert.
Jeremy leaves and flies back to the West coast.
This is a lot to process and digest, I get that. I felt I had to do this post separately, to have it stand on it’s own, to let you all if you so chose to formulate your own opinion, to flip it over in your head.
And I hope you do. I hope this chain of events sticks with you from the moment you begin reading throughout your day. I hope this chain of events seeps into your thoughts as you walk down the street and as you absently ponder the lives and thoughts of the strangers you pass on the street. I hope this enters into your water cooler conversation. I hope this literally forces you to stop in your tracks at the most inappropriate moment and exclaim “What In The Fuck Is Wrong With Humanity?!?”. I hope you gasped as you read and listened. I hope you cried, at the very least I hope your eyes watered.
And then, a day or two later I hope you literally stop in your tracks and exclaim “No Shit Seriously! What In The Fuck Is Wrong With Humanity?!?”
I hope this is your reaction because as it has taken me over an hour to write this post I am again at the point I was when I first heard it. I am fucking floored. I am floored because I was raised that no matter WHAT you believe, no matter WHAT you support, no matter WHAT you hold dear, it is NEVER EVER EVER EVER!!! acceptable to behave in this manner.
Every single person on this Earth is entitled to THIS: Their own thoughts, opinions, perceptions, morals, goals, views, passions, hopes, joys, dreams, worries.
It is NONE of YOUR business what I think, how I think, how I work, where I work, what I do to earn my living, who I fuck, where I fuck (barring kids…don’t go there), when I fuck, who I love, who I am enamored with, who I am disgusted with, who I support, who I am against.
It. Is. None. Of. Your. Business.
That is the entire foundation of my everything. If you hate, love, are, aren’t, might be, are worried you are, are worried you aren’t, are struggling with (being, living, loving, dying) gay, straight, bi, tran, metro, multi, what-the-fuck-ever, that is 100% entirely YOUR CHOICE. YOUR DECISION. YOUR GOD (or insert your higher power here) GIVEN RIGHT.
My view is MINE. God Damn it. Get off of MY VIEW. Shocked as you may be I don’t give a GOD-DAMN what the fuck you think regarding what the fuck I think. It is my opinion. YOU. YOU do not get to change MY VIEW unless I choose for you to.
You do not get to have any power over me unless I give it up to you. You do not have any chance of persuasion unless I’ve chosen to be persuaded. You can not…
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME DO
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME FEEL
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME BE
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME FEAR
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME WORRY
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME HOPE
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME LOVE
YOU CANNOT MAKE ME HATE
Do you understand? In every single moment in every single day in my life I am 100% wholly responsible for ME. I make the choice to agree with you or disagree. To get out of bed or stay in. And in this choice I have made I am the person solely responsible for my actions including any consequence that may accompany those actions.
Make no mistake there are events, acts, items, things, I cannot control. I cannot control the weather. I cannot control how others perceive me or how they hear my words. I cannot control how tall I am, I cannot control the lottery, the actions of others, the thoughts of others, the actions of others.
My only recourse? My only recourse is what I can control – ME. I can control how I react or act or act out.
Today I choose to react to the fucked up world by blogging about this. Please do not mistake this post for it being me on my soapbox regarding sexual orientation. I hope I have made it abundantly clear that this post, while effectively the trigger, was not about sexual orientation. That is for another post.